Dates with tea

5 Self-Sabotaging Behaviors That May Be Why You Are Single

Trying to be with someone who is taken

I don’t know who needs to hear this, but they aren’t leaving their spouse, and if they do, they will cheat on you too. You are worth way more than being someone’s dirty secret or next victim. You are a valuable person and deserve to be loved by someone who appreciates and respects you. It is hard when you really love someone who is committed to someone else, but it is never worth pursuing this type of relationship. Trying to be with someone who is taken is a waste of time and makes you out-of-reach to all the good, available partners you could be attracting!

You don’t give yourself love

As the radiant RuPaul says, “If you can’t love yourself, how in the hell you gonna love someone else?” Low self-esteem is a dangerous quality in the dating world. Lack of self-love can cause others to avoid your company, or in more unfortunate cases, attract abusers. If you are struggling with self-esteem, take a break from dating, talk to a therapist, and work on realizing how awesome you are. Once you work through your feelings about your self, you will be amazed at how people begin gravitating towards you. Confidence and knowledge of the self are incredibly sexy and exhilarating to be around.

Viewing everything in a negative light

You may also know this phenomenon as the best avoided, Debbie Downer. It is extremely difficult to be in a relationship with a person who only sees the negative in life. When looking for a partner, we want someone with whom to share all of life’s ups and downs. When the bad outweighs the good unnecessarily, it is difficult to justify starting or continuing a relationship. Life is hard sometimes, but if everything seems negative all the time, you may have a medical condition and should seek advice from a doctor and therapist. Work on your health and outlook to experience life in a whole new way, and watch others come asking to bask in your positive light.

Looking for Prince Charming, and only Prince Charming

Standards are important when choosing a partner, but unrealistic or unfair standards may be keeping you single. Are you looking for a partner with a trust fund and perfect bone structure that builds houses for homeless penguins? You probably aren’t going to find the exact person from your build-a-love list, so why not consider a date that might not check all your boxes? Don’t feel pressured to continue dating a person you don’t feel a connection with, but try not to discount everyone before giving them a chance. Never give someone a chance if they make you uncomfortable. Listen to your gut; it sees red flags you can’t.

You have silly and prolific deal-breakers

We all have deal-breakers, and with good reason, everyone needs to set personal boundaries they are comfortable with and stick with them. If you have a pet that means the world to you, you will not be with an animal abuser. Or maybe you will never tolerate a cheater. These are healthy deal-breakers and protect you from misery. If you can’t stand someone that bites into popsicles or likes to wear Crocs, you may need to reevaluate your deal breakers. Talk to a trusted friend or therapist about your deal breakers and see what is reasonable and what might be holding you back from a positive romantic relationship.