5 Things to Stop Saying to Your Single Friends
All the single ladies: how many occasions have you heard someone say something cringe-worthy to you immediately after a break-up?
Enduring the end of a relationship is not for the faint of heart. It doesn’t help that being single is thick with expectation. You’re either assumed to be continually searching for a soulmate around every corner or drown your problems in a bottle of vodka on the sofa — two weak stereotypes of what it’s like to be single. But whether you’re matched up or flying solo, here are 5 things I think we can accept to stop saying to anyone newly single.
What happened? You two seemed so perfect…
I get it: people have good intentions, and sometimes the end of a relationship is a complete shock.
Nevertheless, you never know what a couple is like from the outside looking in. I’ve witnessed couples who bicker 24/7 continue to go hard for decades and others who seem stable as a rock file for divorce and end things. Moreover, what makes dedication work for one person isn’t perpetually an across-the-board solution; you may privately want a partner who likes your interests while others may be drawn to their opposite.
I never liked them anyway.
This reply always trips me up. How do you even respond to that? Me too? You’re correct; thanks for not telling me? It normally makes the recently single person feel like somebody judged their relationship the whole time, which sucks or confirms a feeling of wasted time, which double sucks. It surely doesn’t help to hear that your loved ones believed the love of your life wasn’t going to be “the one,” trust me… even if you ultimately come to discover that on your own.
You’re lucky; now you can do anything you want.
You will hear this all the time after dealing with a break-up.
Now, there is definite truth to this sentiment. When you’re single, you are technically available to make plans without thinking about anyone else.
But your recently single friend may not feel blessed in the least, especially if she or he didn’t want to end their last relationship. Be cautious not to superimpose your knowledge of being single onto someone else.
Have you tried online dating?
Online dating is normally viewed as the secret to modern love… or the most unfavorable thing ever invented. It’s difficult to be freshly single and commended with tales of so-and-so who met their husband on the Internet as if the case that it happened to someone else is assumed to make you feel better. It’s fairly challenging if you went the e-dating path to no avail, or you maybe want to give it a go without the stigma often associated with it.
You have such high standards.
Newsflash: it’s alright to be picky. Sure, you may have really distinct desires that may or may not be realistically reached, but who am I to say what you do or do not want or need in a relationship? You do you, boo.
What to say instead…
Even though we all grasp for the relationship card first when catching up with buddies, there are really many other equally relevant topics you could approach instead. Ask, “Do you have any future trips planned?” or “How’re your parents doing?” or “What’s your ideal way to stay current on the news?” Chat about style, music, politics, pets, home decor, television shows, books, or workouts. Share how your relationship is going recently, even, and take the energy off of your friend’s love life for a bit.