A narcissist is charming, exciting, and a master of disguise. Scarily, this ability to charm and deceive may mean you haven’t yet recognized the narcissist in your life. Look for the following 10 signs that you may be in a relationship with a narcissist.
What is a narcissist?
A narcissist is usually a deeply wounded person who has created a false, idealized self as a result of injury early in life. A narcissist is obsessed with this created persona and will go to extreme lengths to play the grandiose role they have created for themselves. To a narcissist, nothing is more important than themselves, and they can begin to view themselves as God-like. Hurting others is a goal or at least collateral damage for a narcissist.
9. Me. Me. Me. Did you hear about me?
It is natural to dominate the conversation with your partner once in a while, we all get excited, but a narcissist will always make conversations about them. If your spouse is constantly expressing their views and dismissing yours, you may need to examine your partnership. Be wary of a partner who constantly shifts conversations to be about themselves.
8. I’ve got a brand new, used car to sell you
Narcissists get a thrill from breaking the rules, or more specifically, being the exception to someone’s rule. The feeling of importance, intellectual superiority, and control when someone gives the narcissist a pass hits them like a drug, and they become more and more daring. “Getting one over on” someone fuels a narcissist. This can also present itself in sexual situations; pushing boundaries of consent is common for narcissists.
7. Give me your phone password and twenty bucks
Narcissists don’t let their partners have boundaries because they don’t care what you think and feel. Watch your wallet because a narcissist will help themselves to what they want and make you feel crazy if you confront them. Control is a big part of the narcissist’s game, and that includes control of your life. Look for red flags like your partner sending messages from your accounts, taking your money without asking, demanding access to your online accounts, and disregarding your boundaries in general.
6. Tell your friend she’s fat
Manipulation is a fun and entertaining game for the narcissistic partner. Like rule-breaking, a narcissist wants to coerce others into bad behavior, to prove their power of persuasion. A narcissist loves to take a partner with morals and ideals then destroy them, just to prove they can. If your partner is pressuring you to do things you are uncomfortable with, like insulting that friend of yours he hates, you need to get out now!
5. The time? Let me check my Rolex; it’s in the Rolls Royce
Is your partner obsessed with status symbols? You might need to reexamine the partnership. A narcissist is obsessed with their projected image, and that includes everything from their career to their car. While we usually imagine narcissists as the people dripping in diamonds and the latest fashions, this projected image doesn’t have to be one of wealth. A narcissist could fancy themselves the best mechanic in the garage and show everyone by always wearing greasy jeans, that is their projected image.
4. I went to see the therapist; they are in love with me
A narcissist is obsessed with themselves, and they think everyone else is obsessed with them too. If your partner is constantly telling you about all the people who are in love with them, you might have a problem.
3. Treat me like the queen or king I am
Narcissists have an exaggerated sense of self-importance and may have some strong delusions. Many narcissists see themselves as heroes, kings, queens, geniuses, or even magicians. If your partner is obsessed with their superior status and power, you are in a potentially dangerous relationship.
2. We look so good on your yacht!
The most dangerous thing about narcissists is how incredibly charming they can be. A narcissist will trap you with kindness, romance, or attention for as long as you serve their purpose. When you have fulfilled your purpose, the narcissist may keep you around to emotionally manipulate for their amusement, or just drop you entirely. The good times with a narcissist can feel like the best time of your life, but you know the swing will come, and the bad times can be volatile, and exceptionally terrible.
1. You deserved it because you’re crazy
A narcissist’s fragile ego cannot handle criticism and will find any way possible to turn the blame back onto you, no matter what the situation. Beyond believing they are above reproach, the narcissist also may get joy and arousal from creating negative feelings in others. Narcissists are known for gaslighting others who catch on to their wicked ways, or sometimes just for fun. If your partner calls you crazy anytime you criticize them then they might be a narcissist.