“I feel like I’ve come to terms with this pregnancy not working out,” the Hills: New Beginnings star, 34, said on the Monday, September 9, episode of the MTV show. “Then I go to the bathroom and there’s still blood, so every time I see that, I’m reminded of it. Even when I’m trying to do my own thing and keep busy and be happy and distracted, I’m still reminded of it and I still just have so much stress about the second child. I know that you really want more children and I don’t know that I do, and I feel like I would be disappointing you if we didn’t. I feel like forever I’d always have this insecurity that I [didn’t give you what you wanted].”
After the producer told the Hills alum that they could “continue having this conversation,” she said in a confessional: “Timmy has been such an amazing support. Anything I’m feeling, he validates, which is so important because he knows that there is just no wrong when it comes to this. He has been my teammate, my partner. I don’t know how I would have gotten through this without him.”
The “With Whit” podcast host, who welcomed 2-year-old son, Sonny, in 2017, announced in July that she had lost her second pregnancy. “The amount of various emotions I felt in the past couple weeks have been extreme… from shock to sadness to relief, which then led to guilt for feeling that relief,” the reality star wrote on Instagram at the time. “My identity has been shaken in regards to who as a mom and human being.”
Port opened up to Kaitlynn Carter about her miscarriage in Monday’s episode, explaining that she feels anxious about having a second child “all the time.” She added, “It’s almost like I want something to just hit me, like, ‘OK, you’re ready.’ I just want that moment, but I don’t think that’s ever going to happen.”
The City alum went on to say in a confessional that her pregnancy loss is “one of the most difficult things” she has experienced. “The grief is all-consuming, it’s all you can think about,” she said. “It’s like, a death is happening inside your body and you’re also supposed to show up for your child that you have. You can’t really be sad in front of him.”
The True Whit author married Rosenman in 2015.
The Hills: New Beginnings airs on MTV Mondays at 9 p.m. ET.